Nigerian-American professor Uju Anya has spoken with rare honesty about her past marriage, sexuality, and the deeply personal journey that shaped her life, insisting that her marriage to her ex-husband was real, intentional, and rooted in genuine love.
Speaking on With Chude, Dr Anya addressed long-standing assumptions about her sexuality and personal life, revealing painful childhood experiences, emotional struggles, and the difficult choices that eventually led her to embrace her true self.
A Troubled Childhood That Left Deep Scars
Dr Anya disclosed that she grew up in a deeply dysfunctional home. She described her father as a serial womaniser who was physically abusive, emotionally absent, and often humiliated her mother publicly.
When she was just 10 years old, her mother left the marriage — a moment she said left her emotionally wounded and love-starved for years.
According to her, that early trauma profoundly influenced her relationships, worldview, and search for stability.
From Nigeria to America: Feminism, Atheism, and Self-Discovery
After relocating to the United States, Anya said she embraced feminism and later became an atheist, a belief system she has held for decades.
These shifts, she explained, were part of a long process of reclaiming her identity after years of emotional deprivation.
“I Truly Loved Him” — On Marrying Her Ex-Husband
Despite identifying as bisexual, Dr Anya revealed that she genuinely fell in love with a man and married him — firmly rejecting claims that it was a sham or cover-up marriage.
Her words:
“When I met my ex-husband, I liked him. He was hot, he could dance, he was funny. I felt sexual attraction, and I held on to him tightly because this felt like my passport to a normal life.”
She stressed that the marriage was emotionally real, sexually fulfilling, and deeply meaningful at the time.
The Truth That Changed Everything
About 10 years into the marriage, Dr Anya said she came to a difficult realisation — her attraction to women was stronger.
She told her husband she needed to explore that part of herself. The couple mutually agreed to open the marriage, with both seeing other people. While the arrangement prolonged the union, she admitted it only delayed the inevitable.
“That held me maybe another four years,” she said.
The Moment She Knew the Marriage Was Over
A defining moment came when she attended a Nigerian lesbian wedding in New York.
“My marriage was over at that point. I knew this was my future. I needed to go.”
That experience, she said, gave her the clarity she could no longer ignore.
On Being Called a ‘Man-Hater’
Dr Anya also addressed frequent online criticism branding her a “man-hater.”
She rejected the label, explaining that while she has experienced genuine attraction to men, her emotional and romantic connection to women has always been stronger.
Backlash, Death Threats, and FBI Involvement
She also spoke about the severe backlash she faced after publicly criticising the late Queen Elizabeth and referencing the suffering of Biafrans.
According to her, the threats escalated to such an extent that she had to involve both the police and the FBI, an ordeal that took a heavy toll on her mental health.
Finding Love Again
In 2024, Dr Anya married her long-term partner, Dr Syria Lang, whom she described as her dream woman.
She said their union went beyond marriage, as they also blended their families, marking what she called the most authentic chapter of her life.
A Story of Pain, Truth, and Self-Acceptance
Uju Anya’s story has sparked intense reactions online — from admiration to criticism — but one thing is clear: she is unapologetic about her truth.
As she put it, her journey was never about deception, but about survival, healing, and finally choosing a life that feels whole.
